Top Five Things:

I am thinking about this moment.

1. Updating this blog with something clever and engaging. Check.

2. Getting a pager.

Yes they still make them. Being outdoorsy and adventurous is almost a prerequisite for inhabiting the area where i live. However, living here, being outdoorsy and pursuing a career in miwifery (mid*whiff*er*ee) do not mesh well because of limited cell phone service due to the beautiful terrain. SO, in order to be able to do the camping, boating, hiking, getting out of towning that is necessary to maintain sanity, i have to get a pager. I am of course assuming that pagers run off some fabulous other system than cell phones and that i will receive every page promptly enabling me to rush my behind back to town in time to witness the miracle of birth. If you see holes in my grand scheme, please hold those thoughts - i am depending on this "quick-fix" because i just happen to be on call ALL SUMMER. Don't worry - i will keep you updated on this as details emerge.

3. What my facebook status should be this morning.

Sad to say, i think about that more than i would like. As if the perfect status is out there and if i could just attain it then EVERYBODY i know would comment and say something wonderful and make my day or send me money or flowers or???? As if it actually matters. I was excited about facebook at first - an opportunity to reconnect with people i havn't seen or talked to in years and years. Howwever it seems that once you find someone, once you have sent that initial message of "are you the one i am looking for?" and then, once you are friends, fill them in on what your life is since you knew eachother, there really isn't much else. A couple of my friends i can't even read their updates etc. because it is in a language i don't know - thats not fun. But i am still obessessed with the perfect status. Any suggestions?

4. Memorial Day.

I admit i don't know much about memorial day; the origins, the meaning etc. I mean, clearly it is meant to be a day set aside to remember people and things and are lost and gone forever. Seriously though - do we really need an entire day set aside for this? I know that there are plenty of people who have not yet experienced heavy loss and for them, maybe a memorial day is a great thing. But for those of us who have lost people that we love, we don't need a special day to remember them. They are always with us, the memory of this or that, the mind-numbing grief that rips our heart out at unexpected moments, the layer of sadness that settles like a top layer of skin- heavy at first but the longer you live with it the less you notice it although it won't ever leave entirely. I know it is a good pause for people to be able to visit the resting place of those they love and beautify their graves but i think it may be a little arogant to assume we wouldn't remember without it. How wonderfully american.

5. All the things i am avoiding while writing this.

For instance i need to water my strawbs (family slang for that succulent red fruit which if you bite it just the right way is a crimson reminder of a certain lovely part of the female anatomy). They have loads of blossoms already after just a few days of warmish weather and we are hopefull for the bounty to come. I also need to water my garden. We just planted it this last weekend and tried to restrain ourselves to planting only what we would actually eat - not necessarily what i want to try to grow. I also need to plant my sweet peas. Sweet peas are in my top five favorite flowers along with lilacs, tulips, gardenias and ... The first year we lived in this house, the only thing i planted in the yard were strawberry plants and sweet peas. The sweet peas thrived in their spot and i had blooms until november - unheard of in this climate! It was a lovely treat. I have since expanded my gardening plots and somehow didn't leave room for my beloved blossom so this year i am making sure to plant at least a few. Next year i am hoping for deck railing that they can climb and thrive on! I also need to get to the mailbox. I wrote some notes (on actual paper using whats called a pen) about a month ago and i have been carrying them around in my bag every since so it is time for completion there. *Then of course there is the never-ending laundry, more now that the littlest among us has learned to dress himself and changes OFTEN - its a real problem!

So a lovely day to you. The sun is shining and the sky is blue here, a perfect day for dreaming!

All the love in the universe~

*i borrowed that line from this guy.

Pushed

It's the whining that did it. The incessant, high pitched, never-ending, brain sqeezing whining that has finally pushed me over the line where I was thinking aobut starting a blog to actually - finally - doing it. It's because i am hiding from them, the whiners, and needing an outlet to express my utter frustration besides upon their sweet little bottoms.

Will this be a good blog? I don't know. I have become increasingly obsessed with the blogosphere the last few months, using it as an excuse to avoid almost everything, but the more I have been reading, the more I have been wanting to write and so here I am, unsure of where to go but, as always, excited to see what the next moment will bring.

I guess the next step is to tell you something - almost anything - about me that will incite you to come back again although it may be easier to tell you things that do NOT apply to me. For instance, I do not have six fingers on my right hand (nor on my left for the really curious and yes i did have to look it up to make sure it was the right hand). I am not good at multi-tasking. I am not good at finishing projects (like this blog - don't be surprised if you never hear from me again). I am not very tech-savy so this blog may not be very pretty or clever so if thats what you are in it for i suggest moving on. I am also not a great mama. A good, kind , loving and fun mama but not great - hence the little temper tantrum over all the whining. i do try but there is only so much tolerance and patience allotted for a said 24-hour period and god help me if they don't nap! i am also really lazy about capitalizing my "i" when i am in a hurry and trying to type or write really fast. To this point i have been trying really hard to hit the right combination of keys to help create the illusion of perfection but there is something about leaving it in the lower case that is exciting and daring and so completely incorrect that i just can't help myself. Give me a break though - there isn't all that much excitement around here! I am also NOT going to have any more babies so for those of you hoping for another blog about radiant pregnancy, blissfull birth and the sleepless nights of new-parenthood you may opt out now. Been there, done that, and only a very spiteful universe would send another little blessing along just now or ever for that matter.

Moving along now to what i AM.
i AM in love with this life - even the whining part because at the end of the day i am surrounded by love, love, love, love! I am fortunate to be sharing this earth-walk with a man that i adore - even after 9 years of a little fun and a lot of babies and more responsibility and heartache than either of us ever foresaw but i guess that is life. I am mama to three amusing, annoying, loving, ridiculous, beautiful, cantakerous, perfect little people whose entrace into this world and my life has led to my lifes passion. I am daughter, sister, auntie, friend, mama, granddaughter. I am a lover of living things and have a flower garden just big enough to keep me busy with weeding and yelling at the cherubs to stay out of it - and of course cats to poop in. I am also working towards becoming a midwife - you know, the kind that assist women giving birth at home. I am two years in and impatient to know everything there is to know about it! I am also very cynical and possibly sarcastic so i warn you to read between the lines some times! I am also pretty crunchy and very interested in green living and urban farming (chickens coming soon i hope) natural stuff - in general upholding the idea that we need to be concious of how we live and make choices that will benefit seven generations from now. Safe to say those are some things that you will be reading about here.

So the whining is over and my lovely ducklings are outside leaving me a small window of quiet before they are hungry and at it again... A mother's work is never done ~sigh~ but laughing at the melodrama!